Fill the room with your presence!
“See yourself. Know yourself. Be yourself.”
That’s the motto of the persona / business / community I call KNWSLF (“know self”).
A few months back, one of the students I work with asked if I would be the guest for their class assignment, and so I found myself being interviewed by a college journalism class. Everyone was tasked with listening to my story and then writing their own piece about it. As we were closing out, the professor asked me, “What are a few words you would use to describe yourself?” To that I replied simply, “Creator.” He looked at me as though waiting for the next adjective, pen in hand. He tapped on his notebook, looking puzzled in the silence. Then he then chuckled and said something like, “That’s it? After all you shared, just ‘Creator?’ Give us at least three words.”
I replied “I’m a Creator!”
I’m not a journalist, so the debate over whether contractions are 1 word or 2 is not my battle. But in this fight for my existence, my expression, and my sense of self, I am sure that I am a Creator. Whether it is visual art, poetry, prose, relationships, spaces, or experiences, I create.
It has taken me quite some time to exist boldly within that definition, but now I am arriving here for sure.
Since I was young, I had a passion for art and innovation. My imagination was strong! Probably because my father collected comics, and my mother always asked me to tell her something good. They encouraged me to express myself, and to do so fervently. Even as I write this, I can hear them talking, like:
“Say what you mean, and mean what you say!”
“Fill the room with your presence!”
Young Jordan meditated on those messages seriously, and even when I was in spaces that systemically and persistently worked to silence me and or confine my body, I found ways to say what I needed to say and fill the room with my presence.
Through visual art I found that I could do that literally. I could create something from my imagination and hang it on a refrigerator, a wall, or in the folders my friends kept in their desks.
I found the practice or process early on, but I didn’t fully conceptualize what my presence was actually about or the impact my words could have.
Drawing was my first love. In grade school I always had a pencil and pen. I sketched all the time. Even now, I love drawing. Over time, I have picked up acrylic paint, spray paint, oil paint, screenprinting, and even pastels. An assignment, summer camp, or a Youtube video would introduce me to these materials, but I always came back to drawing with pencils and pens.. In college, I was pretty displeased with my experience. I really only connected with one professor within the Art department which probably strained my growth at the time. Anyway, as a double major in Art and Psychology, almost a Dance minor, and a student leader, I had enough to keep my interest.
A positive in that time though, somehow, was that in my fumbling through library books and Google searches I found the artist Adrian Piper. Her work hit me deep. She addressed race, gender, politics, capitalism, and more in such a variety of ways. Seeing her work was like hearing my parents!
“Say what you mean, and mean what you say!”
“Fill the room with your presence!”
I realized my whole being is expression. My existence is art. More so, I realized I am connected to the creativity of generations of Black people throughout the diaspora, and I have the power and ability to curate my lived experience.
I tapped in.
I used any medium, even my own body, to say what I needed to say and fill the room with my presence. Honestly, KNWSLF was born at this time, but it didn’t have a name. I wasn’t conscious of it then. The pursuit of a career in Higher Education was enough of a distraction to quiet the voice, yet it has always spoken to me.
Over time the voice got louder. I never left art and creating alone. I just wasn’t tapped in like before. About 2015-16, in a time in my life when I needed to heal, the voice was loudest, and that’s when KNWSLF and my understanding of my identity as a creator solidified. Like every comic hero I read about who ate the heart-shaped herb, took the leap of faith, or accepted the darkness, I committed.
Since then, I have found so much joy in the process of being a creator. Again, the influence of my parents is huge. My father is a DJ and my mother loves to dance, so there was always music playing in the house.
Anything and everything in my life had a soundtrack or score. Cleaning the house on Saturday morning? Old School R&B. Headed to church on Sunday? Gospel music. Long road trip? House and Hip Hop. Literally everything was done to music, and that has carried over into my creative process.
Before I create, I listen to music. I find a playlist or song that communicates the vibe I want to express. Whether from headphones or speakers, I just need the life and energy that comes from the rhythm. Once I find the groove, then I can create. I have recently fallen in love with digital painting on apps like Procreate, but pen and pencil is still my first. I sketch and write in my notebooks, take those thoughts, and turn them into visual art through whatever medium feels best. Sometimes the sketch or jottings are enough. Other times, I turn notes into cards and posters or sketches into paintings or murals. At the center of the process, though, is still my whole self and being. The inspiration and lessons learned from Adrian Piper and performance art are infused in how I come to create.
There is a comfort in being myself, because I am constantly coming to know myself, and I am committed to creating so I can see myself in the world around me.
One way I try to share this with others is through the Draw From Life Group. Draw From Life Group is an email list or newsletter I send monthly with creative reflections, exercises, and opportunities for us to create and fellowship with one another. I invite anyone reading who is interested in creatively exploring self and would like support in doing so to join me.
Much love and appreciate you for taking your time to engage with me here.
See yourself. Know yourself. Be yourself.
All images: Jordan Brooks
